Breathe

B

Need to breathe

Sometimes I feel like I need to tell myself that
so I can have a little bit of control over my body

I don’t know if that’s true
But I’ve told myself that enough times
that I can believe it

Need to breathe

I used to hear that it was okay to tell people small lies
If it was to protect their feelings
It took me 15 years to realize
that when it came to protecting my own feelings,
I had already lost

Need to breathe
Breathe again

Sometimes I lose track of which stories I’ve told myself
And next thing you know, you wind up
face first inside of a garbage can
garbage made to look like your mother
AND
you can’t help but let your mind wander
AND
all of it leaves you wondering
“What the fuck am I even doing here?”

Need to breathe
Breathe again
Breathe again

This isn’t working
None of this is working

Staring at the ceiling at 3 in the morning
I may not be able to get off the ground
Guess I better get comfortable

About the author

Joan Zahra Dark

Hi! I'm Joan Zahra Dark, currently one of the worker-owners of Bluestockings Cooperative, a bookstore and community space based in the Lower East Side of NYC. I'm a writer and public speaker for my job and in my free time as well as a critic on various websites alongside this one! I love talking about queer comics, trans speculative fiction and why we all want to bang and/or be robots!

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Joan Zahra Dark

Hi! I'm Joan Zahra Dark, currently one of the worker-owners of Bluestockings Cooperative, a bookstore and community space based in the Lower East Side of NYC. I'm a writer and public speaker for my job and in my free time as well as a critic on various websites alongside this one! I love talking about queer comics, trans speculative fiction and why we all want to bang and/or be robots!

Get in touch

You can reach me for writing jobs, speaking engagements, consulting work and anything else at mxjoandark@gmail.com!