Saturday in January

S

I want to feel the wind against my face
I want to feel the wind blowing against me, strong and unyielding
I want to feel the wind as it pushes itself through my fingertips as I walk
With the wind blowing so forcefully through my hands that it feels like I could clench my fist and hold it there
And save it for a summer day
When I feel like I need that strength

I want to feel my boots crunch through the snow
As I go out into weather that I am definitely not prepared for
With not enough clothes on and chapped lips to show it
Because as much I hate being too cold
Damn if I don’t love being in the cold

I want to feel the wind blowing behind my back
A wind strong enough to make the signs fall off of the old telephone poles
A presence that can make all the falling leaves dance like no one’s watching
A gale force that picks me up off the ground and lets me fly somewhere far away
Where nobody knows my name
nobody calls me sir
and nobody will tell me
whoI’m supposed to be

I want to freeze in the winter air at 2 in the morning
Feel my face go numb as I continue my slow walk under the dim streetlights
I want to feel the chill in my teeth as my blood runs cold
And I can barely see in front of me with my eyes watering from the cold wind
I want to find a nice street corner where I can lay down for a while
And hope that someone in a few hundred years can break me out from the human-shaped icicle I plan to trap myself in
If we even make it that long

I want to freeze because even that
would be better
than coming home to you

About the author

Joan Zahra Dark

Hi! I'm Joan Zahra Dark, currently one of the worker-owners of Bluestockings Cooperative, a bookstore and community space based in the Lower East Side of NYC. I'm a writer and public speaker for my job and in my free time as well as a critic on various websites alongside this one! I love talking about queer comics, trans speculative fiction and why we all want to bang and/or be robots!

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By Joan Zahra Dark

Joan Zahra Dark

Hi! I'm Joan Zahra Dark, currently one of the worker-owners of Bluestockings Cooperative, a bookstore and community space based in the Lower East Side of NYC. I'm a writer and public speaker for my job and in my free time as well as a critic on various websites alongside this one! I love talking about queer comics, trans speculative fiction and why we all want to bang and/or be robots!

Get in touch

You can reach me for writing jobs, speaking engagements, consulting work and anything else at mxjoandark@gmail.com!